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how easy could it be to slit my throat and die right here? [entries|friends|calendar]
here lies resistence to the comings&goings of love

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holy shit [09 Sep 2007|02:43am]
i met a girl thats totaly rediculously cool and i dont wanna fuck anything up.

i needed to tell some1, thanks lj.
2 ripped their heart out be impressed..

[21 May 2007|01:07pm]
i love my friends and all but its funny being able to watch them change in front of my eyes in a matter of maybe a month. especially after how much shit they talked about not changing and talk shit about people that have changed alot. i mean ive changed but not that much in the course of a month.

i wish snhu was here right now.

i dont want to be here anymore.

i cant wait to meet new people and live a little bit.

i am not content.

1 ripped their heart out be impressed..

[17 May 2007|09:41pm]
im going to pittsburgh tomorrow.

it will be fun

i miss you.
be impressed..

[03 May 2007|06:01pm]
for my whole life ive always thought to much about something before i did them. whether or not they were the right decisions ive always thought everything through before i went through with them. I chose to stop talking to some friends because well, they werent being friends with me and some i stopped not because i wanted to but because i sorta had too. its not like my mom or dad was like hey you cant talk to them but there are some things about people that get me and they confuse the shit out of me. ive changed without a doubt, actualy ive done a complete 180 from a year or so ago after me and amanda broke up for the first time. weed and alcohol became a large part of my summer and i regret using them everyday. I slowly but surely lost contact with alot of people that i most definately shouldnt have of. if people still read this, you know who you are. I say ill call you and we'll hang out, but i dont because well i dont really know anymore. hockey is over and i still have yet to hang out with alot of people i wanted to hang out with. Some of those people are the ones that i dont want to talk to cuz of some reason, others are just because im not sure why.

the past week, ive started a new job, started my landscaping business thing, been active everyday, smoked twice, and havent taken a sip of alcohol. for the past 4 nights, my best friends have gotten fucked up...without me, and im proud to say i didnt go. if this was last summer or even a few weeks ago, i woulda said, HELL YEA! i feel like having a positive change in my life and i think its time for that to happen. of course, getting fucked up will happen every now and then, but not as frequently as it hasbeen in the past. im going to start to try and talk to my old friends, whether or not i should talk to them. there is one person without a doubt that i am going to try my hardest to start being good friends with again because she still holds that special place in my heart.

im single now, i havent felt any regret whatsoever from breaking up with amanda. i feel free and ready to take on summer. college is going to come quick and you have no idea how ready i am for it. snhu is going to kick ass and ive already talked to a bunch of freshman, im friends with a few kids on the hockey team and wen hockey season comes around, its going to rule like no other.

from now until the end of summer i hope to accomplish:
   staying active everyday
    working out everyday
    keeping partying to a minimum
    start opening my doors up to more and more people
    having fun
    go up to a girl and talk to her
    actualy put more on this

SNHU class of 2011 here i come

well my thought process has come to an end.

i still miss you.

9 ripped their heart out be impressed..

[08 Apr 2007|05:59pm]
me too.
1 ripped their heart out be impressed..

[16 Feb 2007|04:16pm]
[ mood | restless ]

i miss all my old friends.

i tell them ill call them and i dont cuz i dont have time. :(.

i want hockey to be over.

my coach hates me now for no reason.

plymouth state and southern new hampshire are my two collegs i want to go to. i have yet to recieve an acceptance letter from both. snhu should be here soon tho which is good. like within the next week or so.

i need a job.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. stresss.

1 ripped their heart out be impressed..

[14 Jan 2007|01:51am]
[ mood | worried ]

i need to stop worrying about little things that get stuck in my mind and they arent true one bit.

shes my girl and thats how i want it to be.

i want to tell her how i really feel but i dont know how. i still love her after what shes done to me. i forgave her and i think shes given alot of herself to me. im thankful for another chance and im going to do my best to keep her. plus shes realizing who her real friends are rather than the really shitty ones she thought were good friends but i never had the heart to tell her becuz they made her happy. she gives me butterfies...thats important.

were closer than ever and it cant be anymore amazing despite the fact that i feel my closest friends are drifting away becuase of her. they dont like her. fuck em.

what am i going to do about college next year if were still together. im scared.

i sent in apps to snhu and plymouth. im awaiting the results.

i havent smoked in 13 days and im proud of it. i havent had cravings to do so until tonight.

i had another anxiety attack last week. its my 3rd since june.

i need a hobby.

im becoming an electronipowerpopper music lover. its happy music. (select start, the manic atlantic, brack cantrell, playradioplay, its like love, echo screen, moraine, forever the sickest kids, four year strong) those are my favs. take a listen. im also finding alot of poppunk/emo bands thats are very good.

i have an allstar game monday for the league and i dont really want to play in it. i hate all star games. but watever i just hope the coach of plymouth is there and he gets to see me play.

its finaly going to snow. thank god.


1 ripped their heart out be impressed..

christmas [19 Dec 2006|04:51am]
the only thing i really want for xmas if for me and amanda to get closer.
1 ripped their heart out be impressed..

[24 Oct 2006|11:56am]
i hope i know what im getting myself into.


i have to stop making stupid decisions.

right now.

but yet idk if this is one of those stupid decisions....only time will tell.

southern new hampshire university
new england college

stonehill college
becker college
framingham state
salem state

they are all interested in me for hockey.

im only interested in the ones with bold.

3 ripped their heart out be impressed..

[08 Oct 2006|03:28pm]
the past week has been alright at best. im starting to get over the fact that nick and my grammy are gone and they wont be coming back as much as id like them to. ive been getting more and more happier each day. im really starting to like the b team becuz they are just a bunch of good kids who take the brotherhood of hockey players to the next level. even tho we havent been playing well i know that we'll catch on soon enough and wen we do the league is done for becuz we have a nasty team. my coach is one of the most amazing people i have ever met and i look up to him and respect him like you have no idea. hes the type of guy i want to be wen i grow up. hes taught me so much and hes teaching me new things everyday and giving me that extra boost to keep me going.

he asked me yesterday if i wanted to go to minnesota for hockey and i said fuck yea. i cant wait.

last night i went to two parties and both were really fun. although i barely knew any1 at both it was fun. i love chris christine and tyler becuz they are fun. it was my first time meeting tyler and hes quite the young lad. then i went to some party with josh and we stole some girls beers and she flipped out lol. then i met brittany. shes very pretty, although young she seems to be mature for her age. who knows.

next sunday at 3pm at the civic center there will be a good game.

big game today against new jersey.

be impressed..

[27 Sep 2006|01:06pm]
the last 2 weeks have been really really shitty.

r.i.p. grammy and nick.

1 ripped their heart out be impressed..

[18 Sep 2006|11:41am]
[ mood | stressed ]

the last few days ive been feeling really shitty. ive been way to lonely for to long. i really need to find some1 that gives me the feeling of a brand new crush or just anything different from wat ive been feeling. im not sure if i still have feelings for amanda or i just havent met any1 new. u really cant get over some1 until you meet some1 that makes you feel special. no1 has given me that feeling in awhile. i thoguht i had it with a few people but no she just popped right back into the picture. im really pathetic but oh well.

oh another sad note my grandmother past away last night. i know shes doing better up there with the big man. i was never really that close to my grandmother even tho she lived with me. :(.

hockey has been a drag lately. i have no idea wat colleges im looking into becuz i dont know how the school is and how their hockey program is. being moved down to the b team has lowered my moral even more. its so easy and its just a waste of time for me. but at the same time i dont know if id rather be playing a or b cuz im doing so well down on the b team. im just pissed about it cuz he fucked me over last year about moving up to the a team. im better than alot of those kids up there. idk pretty gay.



2 ripped their heart out be impressed..

[15 Sep 2006|12:45am]
[ mood | gloomy ]

its a bitter sweet life, ive loved and lost my heart along the way.

Maybe I could still hold you
Or you could call if you feel so inclined
Please take your time locating whatever you're trying to find
Maybe it's time to let go
But I'm too scared and so unprepared
How do I forget, every moment in time that we shared?

there are those select few people you ever meet in your life that have such an affect on you and even after youve been so hurt by this person you continue to feel the affect that this person gave you wen you first met. your this person and i need you there for me. shes got me hooked on everything about her and i cant do one simple thing about it. your just amazing, enough said. take me back.

feelings. sweeeeet. sike.

tomorrow. :).

your still the same girl ive always known. beautiful, amazing, smart, funny, and well beautiful. be happy you. yea you.


my schedule for tomorrow: work, pizza, beruit, pizza, beruit, bed. wat a day.

2 ripped their heart out be impressed..

[18 Aug 2006|08:20pm]
[ mood | blank ]

danielle j = fucking awesome.

funnest day in awhile. mini golfing, ice cream, frisbee, killer cat attacks, and alot of fun in such a short amount of time. she really is awesome and i wish i could see her more often.

if i went to work today it wouldve been my 5th day straight and if i went til my next day off that would be til next friday. 12 days of work in a row sucks...especially wen i have 45+ hours a week. i hurt my back at work as well. not cool. the only thing good about working that much is the paycheck. my paycheck is an average 200 bills. its pretty sweet but working that much sucks balls meng.

hockey starts soon. so fucking excited and its going to be a great fucking year.

i need a gf. ive been realy lonely lately and a gf would be sweet. in time ill find some1 and itll be sweet. but til that day ill be content that hockey starts soon.

later lj.

3 ripped their heart out be impressed..

[14 Aug 2006|12:35am]
i need a "these are the nights i live for" kinda night to happen real soon.


the streets seem empty these days and
All I have is myself to blame
Im put aside until Im needed in your dreams
Ill be waiting
For you Id forget everything
For you I write this melody
Ill be waiting

1 ripped their heart out be impressed..

[09 Aug 2006|01:42am]
i just drove by an accident and it wasnt to pretty.

makes you think.

theres alot on my mind. life, her, hockey, and me.

complications, confusion, and stupid decisions.

hockey starts soon. life will soon begin to take shape once again. soon i will be the happiest and yet most unhappy person in the world. this is my chance to make some1 of myself, make my parents proud and prove to myself i can do something with my life.

clouds overhead, but that was alright
Cause then and there with the wind in your hair
Heaven was jealous to merely look fair against you
And all I need now is for this moon to keep light in its desolate skyline for good

yea ive been thinkin alot lately, thinking too much about things that are impossible, things that will never happen. things that arent worth it but worth so much at once. whatever.

2 ripped their heart out be impressed..

[03 Aug 2006|09:16am]
i guess i can update or something.

amanda and i are finished for good. honestly, i dont care and im far over it. soon enough she'll realize nice guys like me dont come around to often and shes gunna get hurt and hurt and itll be her fault. not to sound mean.

ive been working alot lately. im getting about 35-40 hours a week and its pretty sweet. i work sundays all the time and thats the best thing ever cuz of time and a half. im close to getting fired tho cuz i went to canada and they didnt give me the time off so i just went anyway. it was a big mistkae on my part cuz well at the time it was so worth it cuz of amanda but then she became a loser again. but oh well i got wat ive been wanting for awhile and it was quite amazing it was still pretty gay at the same time.

warped tour yesterday was absolutely amazing! me jesse and curt went and we met up with michelle, mal and her cousin. i forget her name tho. we saw silverstein, early nov, cartel, HORSE THE BAND, hellogoodbye, the academy is, a little moneen, a little halifax and i think thats it. we missed therefore i am and thursday but its ok cuz i had alot of fun and so did everyone else. i saw pat, gia, ryan, nick, and his cuz. they are some fun ppl.

but to me the best part of warped tour was hanging out with michelle cuz shes the best ever obviously. i missed her so much and we nver got around to hanging out and we finaly did and it was so sweet.

i have a tournament this weekend in marlboro. its gunna be kinda gay and i dont really wanna play. but i should cuz the season starts soon. i cant wait for the season to start tho. we have a good team thisyear and we have a black kid who is nasty. i guess we'll find out how good we are wen the season starts.

im outtie. pce.
1 ripped their heart out be impressed..

[12 Jun 2006|08:58am]


i really hope you have a wonderful time while im in italy. while im there freaking the fck out over you. asshole.

i leave for italy sunday.
1 ripped their heart out be impressed..

ill stop stabbing wen you stop screaming [26 Apr 2006|11:57pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

chiodos is officially my new fave live band. they were amazing last night.

thank you danielle j for a really great night.

me and amanda are doing good but i havent seen her in a few days, stinks mad lots.

idk wat im doing for prom yet.

people are really getting on my nerves lately...ppl are being wicked hypocrites, procrastinators and wicked ignorant around me.

wierd to say but i miss ice hockey a ton. dek hockey is not wat it used to be. i skated today with a bunch of the guys and i miss them alot and i miss skating alot too. i got a shot to the ankle soooooo bad today too and i have a humongous bump from it.

tryouts this weekend for the a team.

im in this months edition of USA junior hockey magazine. its a big junior hockey magazine that goes over all the major junior hockey leagues in america. its pretty sweet. ive been in it b4 but it was for the b team not the a team.

tomorrow the whole school is going to different places and cleaning up...wicked GAY.

im not tired at all.

i need to go to another show ASAP cuz i miss singing til my voice is gone and being around alot of people doing the same thing. its a great atmosphere....until the faggot scene kids ruin everything. but watever. they are still fun.

but yea im leaving.

peace out lj see you next month.

3 ripped their heart out be impressed..

[13 Mar 2006|08:01pm]
[ mood | lazy ]


nothing has really hapened lately.
last weekend was fun
-i got drunk for the first time and it was fun and i called alot of ppl.
-me and amanda are official
-i went to cheri's party saturday night and it was one of the best nights ive had in awhile. i think amanda's friends like me. so thats good. i taught them how to play skoal tennis and they loved it.
-my hockey season is over butmy team has playoffs tomorow and i hope they lose so i dont have to go to practice anymore
-the b team is going to albany this weekend for the finals. if they win they go to nationals. i think if they go to nationals i might be able to play but idk.
-me and vector are becoming good friends
-its spring time
-i regret not playing hs hockey cuz it wouldve been fun.
-school sucks now and i have an awful case of senioritis.
-im going to start to work out tomorrow or wednesday.

ive been sick latly and it sucks.
i need to go to a show soon.
i miss danielle j and colin alot.
i hate coughing.
its finally thundering!!

6-4-06 could you please hurry up??

im going to bedd
pce out

2 ripped their heart out be impressed..

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